Save My Marriage!

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009...11:52 am

We’ve all heard the plea. “Please help me save my marriage.” When your marriage has gone horribly wrong, sometimes it’s worth saving and sometimes it’s not. How can you tell the difference?

There are many things to consider when you are trying to make your marriage work. The following are only a few.

Are there kids involved and if so, how old are they?
How long have you been married?
Do either of you have a mental illness and if so, is it being treated?
Have you tried counseling and if not would you be willing to try it?
What do I consider the main 3 problems of the marriage?

Regarding kids - just because you have kids does not mean you should stay together. This is a common mistake that ends up hurting kids and parents alike. You would be surprised how many kids live in a home where the constantly pray that their parents would just divorce and end the fighting. If your children are still very small and you have only been married for a short time, sometimes divorce is the right option because very likely you are still quite young and have some growing up to do.

If you have been married for a very long time, you should consider how long you have been having problems. Months? Years? The longer the problems have persisted, the longer it is going to take to heal your marriage. If you really want it to work, you have to be willing to put in the time.

Sometimes mental illnesses such as clinical depression or anxiety will get in the way of a healthy marriage. These problems can be treated and marriages will often improve with treatment. However, this takes work from both parties.

Are you and your partner willing to try counseling? If you are, then you can probably save your marriage. However, if only one person wants to make it work, it will be very difficult, if not impossible. You have to both be willing to work on the marriage. If you are considering a divorce, try counseling first.

You and your spouse should both make a list of the top three things that you think are wrong with your marriage. You might be surprised to find out how similar or how different your lists are. You should take these with you when you go to your first counseling session.

Ask yourself this question: “Do I truly want to save my marriage?” If you are motivated to make your marriage work, but are unable to afford counseling, there is a wonderful ebook that you can purchase for a 10th of the price of counseling. You and your partner can read it from the comfort of your own home and share it together. You can check it out here.